Super serious today. To blog or not to blog. And I still find the word "blog" kind of ridiculous-sounding.

Don't you think it will be so cool when the millennium comes and the great mysteries of life will unfold? I sure hope one of these mysteries for me will be to know how to communicate what I am really thinking and feeling into words so that there is no language barrier to confuse what ones' real thoughts/intents are. It is so dang frustrating to speak to someone and know, when you have come away from a discussion, that you are still not able to express what is really true and understanding has not occurred. I was called on in Primary today to share my feelings about what going to the temple to be sealed with my children felt like. Nothing came out how I planned it in my mind. I had been thinking about how one of my students had expressed sadness that a family member didn't behave in a way that made them feel good and that when they sang primary songs, they felt that they must have been unworthy to have a "good" family, or to feel loved. As I spoke today, I was trying to say that even though families can feel like and even be broken, that the temple is the great "fixer" for all things broken. Maybe I told too much of what my own children have been feeling or saying about their birth family, but I feel like for children that have experienced too much of the sadness that life can offer, sometimes the way we teach in Primary can seem trite and even polarizing. It has really made me understand that for some children, hearing that things are not perfect is reassuring because then they know that there is a plan for that too and that their Father loves them. I guess that my feelings have changed about that sealing day. I would say now that I felt naively happy believing that my children would want what I wanted, which is to be loved in THIS family. I have come to understand that as they mature, they have resented being adopted and want their birth mom/dad to be with them as well. Through much prayer and fasting and trying to understand their perspective I have realized that I am way too possessive of the people I consider to be mine. We are all our Father's children. We belong to Him. The temple is the place where we fix our broken relationship with him and covenant to do our best to bring ourselves and our families back into His presence. I believe that we are organized into families in order to achieve this, and that they do and will belong to us forever, but that sometimes our idea of a family is limited. He asks us to feed his sheep and He doesn't specify only the sheep in our immediate families. We all belong to each other because we are spirit daughters and sons of the Most High. By sealing these children to our family, we are bringing them safely to His fold. That doesn't mean to me that we have stolen them away from their birth parents, just that they will be safely there if/when they want to come too and we will join with all the faithful to be one eternal family belonging to each other and our Father. The hiatus from blogging is from not knowing how much to say about what my kids are going through, and linked to my dilemma from above;language barrier. I don't know how much they would be comfortable with others knowing, especially as they grow to adulthood and I am not comfortable with my ability to get down in writing what is really happening. Also, because I cringe to think about how people can sometimes react callously to what other people write. I see comments on news stories etc. that show how viciously people can judge one another and I shrink from sharing my/their story. And yet there are so many that struggle through adoption and attachment disorders/abandonment issues that live such lonely lives that I finally feel at a point where I can say "There is hope! Things can improve!" At least until they're teenagers. I feel sure that things will be very hard then. So.....thoughts? Am I going to regret sharing?